Growing up in the 90s I had an (unhealthy?) obsession with West Coast gangsta rap. More precisely, with Snoop Dogg's debut album Doggystyle. I listened to it on repeat, and never to anything else, for several months.
Then, one day, I would switch. Another band would catch my ear and become my new obsession. From Doggystyle I switched to Radiohead’s Pablo Honey. Weird transition I know. I’m yet to hear the crowd go wild as a DJ flows from Gin and Juice seamlessly into Creep.
It was probably 20+ years until I listened to Doggystyle again. I forgot it existed. It went from my daily obsession to leaving my mind entirely.
This is a pattern for me. My latest musical obsession is Ren - his track Hi Ren is an extraordinary exploration of psychosis and psychology, delivered with insane musical talent. From there I kick into all his back catalogue, his videos, videos of other people reacting to his videos. And so on.
That single-minded focus is a characteristic of mine that shows up in a few ways. Jo laughs at me for being all in, or all out, on everything I do.
Which brings me to this blog. You may have noticed I haven't published anything for nearly 3 months, after a run of publishing every week for 20 weeks in a row.
All in, or all out.
This is typical for me - start strong, maintain momentum for a while, then forget about it. Literally forget. An obsession can go from occupying 80%+ of my thoughts down to <5%, overnight.
Maybe that's an autistic thing. I don't know and it doesn't really matter. It's definitely a me thing.
I've learnt to be kinder to myself about that. Experience has shown that when something is important to me I come back to it. If it's not, I don’t.
This is important to me.
The Clear Man - Part 2
I enjoy writing the blog posts I've been writing on here. Thanks to lots of you who have said nice things in return I know people enjoy reading them.
You’re a thoughtful, intelligent bunch and the comments kick into some interesting discussions. Writing & discussing all this has helped me get clearer on a bunch of things.
The blog posts will stay, but on a more sustainable cadence. Maybe closer to fortnightly than weekly. I’m open to more guest blogs too.
I'm also been mulling over some other ways of helping men who find this stuff useful. That's led to the idea of an experiment: Clear 7.
This is a “micro-podcast”, within this Substack, where I will explore some of the concepts that help me. More about the tools, frameworks and ideas than my own story. Bitesize ideas that might just help you in a given moment.
Each episode will be maximum 7 minutes long and cover 1 discrete concept.
Most of those episodes will have a little summary. Some will have visuals. Links to helpful stuff. I’ll build some out into series, or write blog posts off the back of them.
I’m not sure where it’ll go, but I’ve decided just to start simple.
The first episode is live now, where I introduce the core concept of the Drama Triangle and how to use it to see yourself and your relationships more clearly:
I've got a bunch more concepts I want to talk about. The next few will cover:
Male archetypes and how to use them practically
Progressive overload as a development tool
Using What’s at Risk? to step through fear of change
Recognition vs regulation
Grandpa’s 3 rules
I hope you give it a listen and find it useful. If you like it please share with others. If you don't please help me understand why.
I appreciate you all. It’s good to be back.
Chalk Outlines
by CHINCHILLA and Ren
I'm still here in this bed that I crawled in
I hope that I'm someone else in the morning
So take this one
Wash it down and you'll be fine
Then walk around in a floating chalk outline
But so it goes, let it be
In the gallows, I balanced on my toes
So I can breathe
But little by little, bit by bit
I push it back down with a new habit
If not for long, just for a while
I'll bury myself with a great big smile
Oh my my, oh my my
We trace ourselves in these chalk outlines
Oh my my, oh my my
Erase ourselves in these chalk outlines
Sertraline and a sip of serotonin
Don't cry 'cause there's a
Pill for everything take this one
Wash it down and you'll be fine
The feeling goes and you draw a chalk outline
And so it goes, let it be
In the gallows, I balanced on my toes
So I can breathe
But little by little, bit by bit
I push it back down with a new habit
If not for long, just for a while
I'll bury myself with a great big smile
Oh my my, oh my my
We trace ourselves in these chalk outlines
Oh my my, oh my my erase ourselves
It's such a perfect day
Take it just in case, take it just in case
I'm scared of being okay
'Cause all things change, all things change
It's such a perfect day
It's a beautiful shame
It's a beautiful shame
I'm scared of being okay
'Cause all things change
But little by little, bit by bit
I push it back down with a new habit
If not for long, just for a while
I'll bury myself with a great big smile
Oh my my, oh my my
We trace ourselves in these chalk outlines
Oh my my, oh my my
Erase ourselves in these chalk outlines